The first week of 2014 sure went fast! I spent most of it hurting from jetlag, functioning on zombie mode and wanting to give my timezone-confused child away to complete strangers, which is why my first post of the year comes so late.
I wanted to post my personal goals for the year. Before I do, I realized that 2013—and becoming a mother—taught me a few useful things about myself, time and making choices. These lessons helped me formulate my goals in a way that I’ve never thought about before.
Have you set your goals for the year? Maybe my 2013 lessons will give you a couple of things to think about. It’s a long post, but I hope you’ll find something that resonates with you.
Get your priorities straight. Being a mother and wife is my number one priority, a choice I made long ago; this now takes up most of my time and energy. Work, which happens on a per-project basis, is a distant second.
Priority number one
Priorities may not impact the kind of goals I set for myself (I don’t have motherhood or career goals, for example). But they do impact how much time I have to achieve them.
The reality is, what’s left over after motherhood and (the occasional) work is not a whole lot of time. Any goals I set for myself will progress only during my precious free time: Tala’s gastouder days, her naps, and any extra time that Marlon and I can agree on.
Showering and dressing up, cleaning the house, commuting, and resting encroach on my free time, too. One of my big mistakes last fall was not considering how much time these little things add up to. If I have a naptime window of an hour to accomplish something, taking 15-20 minutes to shower and dress up actually eats into quite a bit of it!
Taking a good hard look at how much time I really have has made me choiceful. While people are posting long lists that include things like “read 50 books in 2014″, I have a first quarter list with four things on it.
Do you have an accurate picture of how much time you have to accomplish your goals? Are there things that actually take up your time, which you haven’t taken into account? Given your available time, are your goals realistic?
Choose goals that will feed your soul. Having a baby is awesome in that I don’t have to set any motherhood-related goals. Whatever Tala achieves this year—growing teeth, walking and learning to speak, for example—have practically nothing to do with me or how well I raise her.
No goals, no glory. Just pure joy.
I could choose to set career-related goals, but I’ve chosen not to. Instead, I’ve chosen to set goals that feed my soul. My logic is simple. What little time is left over for me is precious, so I want to use it on things that make me happy: creativity, music, learning, discovery.
Do you know what makes you happiest? Are you using your precious free time to make sure those things are present in your life? Think about it.
Factor in breathing room. Overcommitting to too many things last fall taught me that I need time to enjoy what I’ve chosen to fill my free time. Does that make sense? I love getting things done, but there’s more to life than that—especially if I think about goals as feeding my soul.
With the demands of motherhood, I’ve found I can no longer pack every single day with back-to-back tasks and appointments. Rocketing madly from one activity to another can quickly become stressful and tiring.
I need breathing room around the things I choose to do with my time. Time to jot down an idea in a notebook, to walk instead of taking the tram, to read a few pages of a new book, to say yes to coffee with a friend, to linger over choosing my outfit for the day, to notice something beautiful and take a photo.
Actual photo taken while NOT rushing between appointments
Or maybe even time to do… nothing!
To factor in breathing room is to give yourself a little pocket of rest that becomes fuel for the next string of activities. Breathing room can save choices from becoming chores. Be kind to yourself. Breathe.
How much breathing room do you have between activities in a day? In a week? Schedule it in!
Consider seasonality or time sensitivity. Seasons make a big difference here. I like keeping my spring and summer load light, so I can travel or spontaneously drop everything to enjoy a gorgeous day. Fall and winter are indoor times, best for working on projects or taking classes.
Do you pile on the goals in the first part of the year—and end up taking on too much, too soon? Are there things that you can do towards the middle or end of the year? What is urgent and what can wait?
What has 2013 taught you about time, choices or yourself? And what will you do differently in 2014?
Happy new year, Deepa! I remember a lot of the thoughts and things you write about from my first year with a baby. It’s all about time (and sleep) I haven’t really had the time (or will?) to look back at 2013 and learn from it, but I know I should… xxLena
You’re lucky that you remember these thoughts and things from early motherhood. I feel like I don’t even remember my thoughts from yesterday! So I’ve been racing to write as much of them down as possible. Blogging helps.
Tala has been a good sleeper, so I’m lucky in that aspect. But time… yes, my perception of time has altered dramatically.
Happy New Year, Lena!
No goals here, I have 2 kids!!
But I do have a wish list that I write every year. I love dreaming, so whether they happen on their own, or I make an effort to make them real, that is just another story.
I like your number one priority, it is the best!!
Happy New year!!
I like your wishlist that you posted on your blog. I have a wishlist in my head too, maybe I should write it down!
“Breathing room can save choices from becoming chores.”
Happy new year!
Wise words, Deepa.
Happy New Year, Iggy!